Thursday, July 12, 2007

Qualities Possessed by The Fairer Sex For Which I Have Been Looking, But of Which I Have Been Only Recently Made Aware

I have been seeking a woman who believes those who drive yellow vehicles, particularly men, are, by consequence of having chosen freely to drive said yellow vehicles, douchebags...or, at least, are significantly predisposed to douchebaggery. One notable exception to this otherwise highly proven rule is school bus drivers. They had no choice in the color of their vehicle.

I have been seeking a woman totally intolerant of lactose intolerance, but tolerant in all other ways.

I have been seeking a woman pointedly irked by any and all attempts to stifle a sneeze, especially when said attempts result in the sort of high-pitched nose hiccup a lesser person might describe as “cute”.

I have been seeking a woman with a Russian first name. This just makes sense and I cannot believe I did not realize it sooner in life. I present to you, the reader, a simple yet irrefutably true equation: Russian first name = sexy as hell.

This list will grow. Give it time.

7 comments:

Vix said...

Check out some of these and then tell me all Russian names are sexy. I mean, Baibichia? Really?

Pancho said...

That's actually THE name I had in mind! Wow.

Katharine said...

Sexy Russian ladies, eh? Nadezhda would like to show you her babylons...

Pancho said...

Geez, this Russian name thing really has legs. Did I hit on nerve? Are all the Katies of the world secretly upset they were not named Oksana or Svetlana? And by the way, I said Russian NAMES not old, haggard vodka-swilling Russian DAMES...although I bet Nadezhda knows how to keep a guy warm. Gross.

Airam said...

Russian names are pretty sexy ...

I think that your list isn't in the least far-fetched!

Whitney said...

I'm partial to the douchebag comment...

Rachel said...

The stifling of sneezes could be a tender and warm-hearted health concern masquerading as tough-girl intolerance. You can break a rib. You can blow out a sinus. I'm pretty sure you can even pop out an eyeball. Sensible girl you've got there.