Saturday, March 18, 2006

What can and cannot be wonky

The previous post was to include a more in depth discussion of things that can and cannot be wonky, but the rabbit hole had a fork in it. So, as promised, the list:

1. Any appendage can be wonky so long as it is not missing. This just makes sense. If it's gone it can't be wonky unless it was wonky previous to its being gone, in which case you have horrible luck.

A. As a sub point to point number one: Prosthetics can be wonky so long as they were not wonky to begin with. If it was wonky when you got it, it was defective and should have been replaced. However, if it was in fine working form and then became wonky through accident, its wearer should be commended for living a full life . . . and also encouraged to review proper safety procedures for whatever it is he/she does.

2. Spines cannot be wonky, there's just too much there. Unless you're an exceptionally good natured victim of paralysis, do not call a spine wonky.

3. Internal organs cannot be wonky. One cannot have a wonky liver, heart, kidney, pancreas, or lung. Hereditary dysfunctions and hard living preclude wonkiness as wonkiness must be brought about by an accident, preferably involving sports, war, or farm equipment.

A. Another sub point: Brains cannot be wonky. One is either crazy or not crazy.

4. Eyes can be wonky so long as they are still nominally functional. Blind does not equal wonky. However, a twitchy eye with a partial cataract could definitley be wonky. I know, I know, twitchy eyes and cataracts are not usually brought about by accidents, but wonky seems to fit here.

I'm sure there's more to this and will add to it as inspiration strikes and definitions become more founded.


1 comment:

Rachel said...

Loving the idea of 'wonkiness', especially the discussion question (you do a frighteningly good job of aping academicspeak) but I'm hard pressed to find and justify my own wonkitude.

Semi-legitimate guesses: I guess my right index finger is wonky from having been broken three times in a year, but the only decrease in function is that I can't pop it in a theatrical display of aggression like I can with my other fingers. Perhaps my left hip is wonky because it grinds and aches after about 5 miles of hiking, but not due to injury-- I think that leg may actually be shorter than the right, a theory supported by the uneven wear on the cuffs of my jeans.

I really enjoyed the wonky posts, though, and laughed out loud many times in that awkward barking laugh that you do when you're alone, the laugh that startles the pets and makes you clear your throat in semi-embarassment.

Also severely disappointed that a brain cannot be wonky-- I may actually work up an argument to that. Here goes: my brain qualifies as wonky because it goes bad in predictable cycles having to do with a rise and fall of hormones, in addition to the general wonkiness of overzealous re-uptake of serotonin. Its wonkiness is legitimately and exhaustively chronicled in medical documents and is managed, mostly, by medicine, but herein lies the charm (and use!) of its wonkiness: I have intense, prescient dreams at least once a month, dreams with a point-- either a lesson or a warning or a prediction that often take days to untangle. Did you know your sister was this crazy?

Next steps for you, at some point in the future: find and chronicle more examples of legitimate wonkiness. The stories behind them (farm equipment??), have to be good.